Dear Fanfiction Authors,
by MisplacedSanity
Summary: Imagine the imagined giving us their feedback on our imaginations, imagine that they've seen all there is to see, imagine that they aren't too pleased... Bleach characters on FF cliches, from slash, to mpreg to the gender blender. Suggestions are welcome.
1. Ichigo on Outrageous Titles

_To who all this concerns. . ._

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><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Since when did I become the Soul/Hollow/Arrancar/Vizard/Fullbringer/Hell King? Shit may happen, but that's just stupid. . .

Sincerely,

Kurosaki Ichigo (and nothing else)

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><p><em>AN: Unfortunately my muse has gone temporarily kaput for my other stories. I'm thinking small vacation in the Bahamas, but who really knows where they go to when they leave?_

_Anyway, this bit of drabble is inspired by H o r i z o n s 's own Dear Fanfic Authors that deals with cliche's that go on in the Harry Potter department of this site. From the characters to us._

_Believe me, we're plagued with this infection as much as the next fandom._

_So, I bring to you, _Dear Fanfiction Authors, _the Bleach version._

_P.S. Primary content involves manga canon, MANGA. Plots involving movies and filler episodes will be nonexistant but not unmentioned._

_P.P.S. Suggestions are welcome._


	2. Soul Society on Self Insert Sues

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Last time I checked, we were all under the impression that you are a _fanfic author._ Please keep your inserts in your own **separate** dimention. Our's is already fucked up as it is.

Sincerely,

Soul Society

* * *

><p><em>AN: -gigglesnort-_


	3. Toshiro on Fillers

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Who's Karin?

Sincerely,

Hitsugaya Taicho

* * *

><p><em>AN: This pairing... I swear. Because fillers make so much sense..._


	4. Tatsuki on her Nonexistence

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

_Hello? _**I EXIST!**

Sincerely,

Arisawa Tatsuki

* * *

><p><em>AN: for Saiyan5Nine-tails, who informed me of this mass brainfart. _


	5. Aizen on Sues

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Please destroy all Sues in your arsenal.

Warping all fabrics of time and space is _my _job

Sincerely,

The Great, Everlasting, Aizen sama

P.S. _you mad?_

* * *

><p><em>AN: Really. Troll!Aizen screws with the fabric of MY MIND._


	6. Rukia on Pairings

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Byakuya nii-san is my _brother/brother-in-law._

Nothing more, nothing less.

Sincerely,

Kuchiki Rukia

* * *

><p><em>AN: Another I can't fathom._


	7. Unohana on Mpreg

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

You have no control of the human antomy any more than the next person.

Male bodies are **_not _**capable of **_ever _**functioning that way.

It is physically, biologically, anatomically **impossible**.

Natural born men cannot become preganant.

Ever.

Sincerely,

Unohana Taicho

* * *

><p><em>AN: -deadpans- yeah. _

_You must've failed biology pretty hard to make that mistake._


	8. Hollow on Naming Conventions

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Lemme make this plain an' simple so even dipshits like you can understand:

**_I. HAVE. NO. NAME._**

Sincerely,

_Well, yeh already knew tha' didn't yeh?_

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'm guilty for working this cliche too, in a fashion. I'm particularly adverse to the idea of using the name Hichigo to discribe him. Pretty impersonal and shambled together. Hollow+Ichigo= . Bleh._

_Shiro is a bit worse. I don't think anyone would want to be known as an objective._

_I play this a bit off by using the name Shiromu. Shiro for short, as a nickname only. It's a bit better but not by much._

_I think the better way someone pulled this off was calling him Anzu. Anzu=Apricot. Freaking genius._


	9. Ichigo on Fillers

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Senna, _who?_

Sincerely,

Kurosaki Ichigo

* * *

><p><em>AN: -shiftyeyes-_


	10. Ichigo and Hollow on Innerworld Shipping

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

We're not sure if it's incest or masturbation.

We'd rather not think about it.

Sincerely,

Kurosaki Ichigo and _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named _(No. Not that one.)

* * *

><p><em>AN: Mhm... yeah._


	11. Byakuya on Pairings

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

I am married to Hisana.

Sincerely,

Kuchiki Taicho

* * *

><p><em>AN: Moving along._


	12. Shino Academy on Sues

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

No one in the history of our establishment has ever achieved Shikai, or Soul King forbid, Bankai on the first day of class.

Never has there been a student assigned a captain's title the same day either.

You are no exception.

Sincerely,

Shino Academy

* * *

><p><em>AN: Moving along._


	13. Urahara on Time Travel

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Never have I ever invented any kind of device that takes the user back in time.

And leave it lying around with Kurosaki-san in the same vincity?

Puh-lease!

I'm not that careless.

Sincerely,

Urahara Kisuke

* * *

><p><em>AN: I love the idea of time travel as much as the next guy (hello? Back to the Future? I've been a fan since I was 7!). But plot twists like this are hilarious. Ichigo should know NEVER touch anything having to do with the Geta-Boushi._


	14. Ichigo on being a Pimp

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

I am _**NOT **_a sex fiend!

Where the hell do you get these ideas from! ?

Sincerely,

Kurosaki Ichigo

* * *

><p><em>AN: The words Kurosaki Ichigo and sex fiend don't go together. The poor guy's a SAINT._

_For god's sake he had Rukia living in his closet for MONTHS. If that doesn't scream oblivious I don't know what does._

_Previous chapter idea was provided by Kuro-Hollow-Mage-Hero-Neko. This one supplied by xJ11Cx._


	15. Soul Society on the Soul King

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Kurosaki Isshin is **NOT **the Soul King.

As of late we are unable to safely lure him out from the Central 46's chambers where he has blockaded himself, all the while swinging his zanpakuto, Engetsu aka his 'Most prized cohort' and screaming something about his 'Awesomely Divine Powers of Chuck Norris'.

We are unsure as to what that means but we are blaming you.

Sincerely,

Soul Society

* * *

><p><em>AN: If I come off as a bit of a smartass in some of these letters I apologize. I'm working directly with what I believe what canon reaction would be to some of these. I knew from the get-go doing this would eventually cause a bit of a commotion within the fandom, particularly with shipping issues. I don't mean to offend to anybody reading these letters. These should be read with the smallest amount of seriousness and the greatest amount of humor._


	16. Ulquiorra on Slash and Pairings

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

I do not fraternize with trash.

Sincerely,

Ulquiorra Cifer

* * *

><p><em>AN:According to TvTropes and the the third databook Masked that's the official spelling for it. -is shot-_


	17. Grimmjow on Slash

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

The _FUCK _are you people smoking?

Sincerely,

Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez

* * *

><p><em>AN:Why is it that almost half of the Espada's names look like the alphabet threw up? CONFUSION!_

**_Aaroniero Arruruerie! _**_Spelling it here 'cause I can't say it in real life._

_This chapter and the previous was provided by SuperYuki._


	18. Divisions 11 through 13 on Titles

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

We are _shinigami _not Soul Reapers.

Get your psychopomp classifications right.

Sincerely,

Divisions 1 through 13

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'm taking a wild guess here but I'm thinking they originally did that as to not confuse readers/watchers between Ryuk and Ichigo. Even though they're from completely different mangas/animes. Heh, silly English translators. _

_IDK it's a pet peeve of mine, even though I once did it myself (see Story Dump)._

_Now I have to go complain to SEGA and ask why the hell Rukia shouts 'Dance! Sleeves of White Snow!' everytime she does Shikai in Dark Souls. I can handle a few foreign words, thanks._


	19. Toshiro on Sues

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

I do not have a sister, twin or not, named Yuki.

Or Sakura.

Sincerely,

Hitsugaya Taicho

* * *

><p><em>AN: Fairly popular subject matter._


	20. Soul Society on Facebook

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Facebook is hereforth banned from Seritei.

Whether we have internet access or not is hardly an issue.

It is better to stem the problem before it can begin.

Sincerely,

Soul Society

* * *

><p><em>AN: I don't even want to get into the logic behind this. _

_I have a Facebook but it's not like I have an addiction._


	21. Soul Society on Harems

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

All harems, activities of harems, talks of harems, or even mentions of harems are now banned within the Court of **Pure **Souls.

As for you 'authors':

What the hell is wrong with you?

Sincerely,

Soul Society

* * *

><p><em>AN:I can't possible tell you how many times I've laughed over the mention of Ichigoxharem warnings in a summary too many._

_No, just no._


	22. Ichigo on genderbending

_Muttering a fine stream or assorted curses and swears the author, known to this small corner of the internet as MisplacedSanity, seems downright puzzled. For one she is in a complete state of shock. One does not recieve a small upward swing of favorites for absolutely nothing. Maybe she was doing something right here? Maybe._

_It'd be downright rude to think of herself as a rising star, she has reviewers and followers to thank for the sudden intrest. _

_She scratches at her dark, sleep-mussed hair in bemusement as she swivles from side to side in a leather office chair as she continues to run down her statistics as she tries to formulate another letter. For whatever reason, no stroke of inspiration hits._

_That's hella frustrating._

_Blinking owlishly (she is not a morning person) she thinks back, regarding a few past recommendations. With a dastardly grin her mind falls on one of her more favorite cliches: Fem!Ichigo._

_As soon as the idea falls into place, the rasp of an imaginary mail box sounds from the outside of her imaginary office as another imaginary letter is slipped into her imaginary inbox. The sound is followed by half-concealed swearing as whoever delivered the letter stomps his or her (it definitly sounded male. Male for sure.) way down the hallway._

_With a half shrug the author lifts herself out of her seat and strolls to the door, lifting the letter from the inbox, gazing at the unmarked envelop for a few seconds before slicing the top open with a long fingernail._

_What she finds deeply amuses her and seems to bring to point that whatever made her devise this sneaky plan seemed to be a good idea after all._

* * *

><p>Great fanfiction author-san. now, mention this letter too.<p>

I AM A MALE and NOT A FEMALE! yeah, this is 'MASTER' Ichigo speaking here, and i'm a MALE. definitely. yeah. but since when did i get a sex change operation done? that'll happen if i fall in a puddle and lose my brain somewhere or if all those dudes i'm paired with are really found naked in my bed.

sorry if it's too explicit but damn it's frustrating to read about me wearing fancy skirts and tying pony tails. or wearing lipgloss and earings.

-Ichigo Kurosaki. **MALE.**

* * *

><p><em>AN: You, guys! I love you people! 5,862 hits, 21 favs and 14 followers, this is now my second most liked story on this site with only Adversus keeping it from the number one title with 20 favs and 23 follows._

_For obvious reasons I just HAD to add this one to the list, with points given to creativity and originality. If anyone else decides to send a review or even better a PM this way expect to see it again sometime in the future._

_So, special thanks goes to anon reviewer Ichigo Kurosaki. Yes, you are a man._

_PS Much appreciation to RukiaGallega as well, she suggested the idea first._


	23. An Intervention

_An Intervention_

"Well, now that we're all gathered let's get down to business."

Misplaced huffs slightly exasperated as she glances down the long meeting table and at everyone congragated: more or less all characters from the Bleach series, all with their own taglines, or God forbid, shopping lists of cliches crdited to them that could reach to hell and back.

A few muttered in hushed voices here and there, others looked on in rapt anticipation. Rukia is twiddling her fingers nervously; Uryu looks slightly dazed; Grimmjow is sitting _far_ from Ulquiorra as he possibly can while the latter is being... well _Ulquiorra. _Ichigo in particular is in a wide-eyed silent fury; after all, being the main character does land you into a bit of a bad situation for half-baked plots everywhere. He seems to be developing a spasm in his right eye.

"We all know why we're here," the author continues, shuffling papers and feeling increadibly like some kind of Mafia Godfather about to do buisness with the whisky distribution, "all of you here have been shamed at some point or another by some fanfiction writers, whether it'd be a particularly nasty case of OCC, a piece in a particularly hare-brained plot, inexplicable pairings, a product of Urahara's experiments gone awry, or someone's deepest fantasy that should _never _come to surface. What are your suggestions?"

"_I say we chop 'em into pieces, toss 'em inna parallel dimention an' never lettem out!_" the Hollow shrieks, overturning several styrafoam cups of coffee as he pounds his fist into the table causing it to creak ominously.

"I agree with Whitey over there." Grimmjow mutters through his severe case of lockjaw, still glaring at Ulquiorra.

"_Who yeh calling 'Whitey', yeh blue-'aired shit?"_

"Shut up!" the author yells as she pounds a large hammer against the table calling the pair's attention again, "While I think that's a great idea, Hollow, people are going to be wondering where half the Fanfiction population went. Anything else?"

"Maybe we should call a challenge?" Rukia pipes up from her seat halfway down the table between Urahara and Byakuya.

I look up with an intrested glint in my eye, "A challenge? Of what kind?"

"A challenge to those have seen enought of this blight to write something off the path of familiar cliches that have been built not only around ourselves but around the site. We've all been there and done that; it's time for something new."

"I like it. And when should we set up this challenge?"

A steely glint enters Rukia's eye. "As soon as possible."

"I second that." Ichigo mutters beside me.

"Very well, the challenge will start today. All in favor?"

"_AYE!_" the chorus rises up and down the table, some of the more enthusiastic hammering their fists against the polished surface causing crater-like splintery dents.

"_OI! What about us?"_

I turn toward the voice to see Ginjou and the other Fullbringers attempting to squeaze themselves into the already packed meeting room in all their wierdo glory. A few around the table have actually stood up and pulled their weapons out threateningly.

"And what about _you_?" I snap.

"Shouldn't we be involved in this? We're characters too!"

"Dude, Ginjou, whatever the fuck your name is. Half the fandom thought you people were all a hallucenatory dream _this_ one dreamed up!" I snarl, jabbing a thumb at Ichigo, who currently had his hand clenched around Zangetsu's hilt, "It took me nearly two months to call you by your name instead of Ramen-man and far shorter to figure out your motives. 'Cliched villian' you so are! Besides, what the hell is Fullbringing anyway!"

Ginjou, son of Aizen, was about to retort when he noticed that Kenpachi, spawn of chaos, was _smiling _down at his assembled troop, "I don't know what the hell that is either but I don't care. Pull your guy's power out. I want to smash it!"

Ginjou gaped at me, lost for words.

I smiled and waved back at him, "Well, have fun on the way out!"

Howling, all five Fullbringers flung themselves at the door and out into the hallway. Kenpachi, with a mad bark of laughter, plunged his way through the wall and followed hot on their heels with fading a shout of "Come back! I want to fight you!" and Yachiru's squeal of "Get 'em Ken-chan!"

"Hm, well I guess that settles that for this week. We pick this up again sometime before the holidays and I want everyone's reports on what they found on what needs improvement or what needs to be banned all together. Reports can be text or visually presented."

Both Rukia and the Hollow beamed. One no doubt planning to present her report a la technicolor bunnies. The other in bloodied stick figures. In human blood.

"Meeting ajourned!" I yell, smacking the table with my hammer. With one loud creak the table collapsed into a pile of splinters.

* * *

><p>Rules for the Challenge:<p>

~Length is totally up to you: oneshot, drabble series, a short story, a full epic. Whatever you want.

~Rating: Keep it to a T. Please no more than that.

~Like we said, keep it original.

~Be in character.

~No unusual pairings, like say Cuulhorne and Grimmjow. That's awkward.

~If you must do an AU keep it somewhat realistic.

~Deadline is Dec. 23 so you guys have plenty of time to work on this. Have fun with it! Don't worry, I'll still be keeping up the letters in the meantime so the suggestion inbox is still open during the Challenge.


	24. Ichigo is still a Pimp

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

Seritei is now conducting a district-wide sweep for certain peoples of intrest.

Namely time-traveling, ridiculously named, overpowered, female rogue shinigami.

She/they are extremely dangerous and highly unstable.

And seem to be related to everyone.

We are still blaiming you for this sudden rise in unaccounted family members.

Sincerely,

Soul Society

P.S. Kurosaki, if _any_ of these claims are true, you sure do get around.

* * *

><p><em>AN AHMYGOD, I apologize for the lateness of this update. My health hasn't been the best as of late and I've done a bit of running around with my parents trying to find the best cardiologist. It seems that I have a malfunctioning valve that causes mild palpatations. It's just a hunch though. I'm not entirely sure.<em>

_But, anyway because of my lateness - even though it isn't entirely my fault - I've extended the due date for the Challenge to Jan 5._

_Credit for this chapter once again goes to RukiaGallega._

_And, because I wasn't that specific before, submissions do not need to be in English. I didn't take that into account, sorry :/_

_And, yes, crackfic/crack pairings are always welcomed._

_And keep those suggestions coming, kids!_


	25. Rukia on the Institute of Insane Plots

_To who all this concerns. . ._

* * *

><p>Dear Fanfiction Authors,<p>

I have attended a human high school for a short period of time.

I should think I know the ins and outs of the experience.

Please do not force the torture on anyone else.

Keep the 'Sixteen and Pregant' fantasies to yourself.

Sincerely,

Kuchiki Rukia

* * *

><p><em>AN: I apologize for my extended absence. I've really good reason to be AWOL for so long so please allow me to fill you in on my woes, if you so wish._

_I've gone through a breakup, a heartbreak, a breakdown, a realization, and a promise for happier times._

_I've skivved off of Fanfiction for some time but I promise you'll hear from me more often. _


End file.
